5 Tips for Staying at His Place

Not long ago, I did a piece on the rules for "Sleeping at Her Place," which was designed to allow any would-be Player to enjoy a singular evening of passion without stepping over the line into that dreaded land of commitment. This time, we have to address the flip side of that coin, which is sleeping at your place. In some ways, this is the easier of the two locations in which to strive for the appropriate after-hours climax, but you still run the risk of accidentally implying you're in it for the long haul. You may have the benefit of the home base, but if you're not careful, that one night can easily turn into a breakfast date, which can eventually turn into a "ball and chain" weekend. Most men believe they can control the situation when in familiar surroundings, but that confidence can be both a blessing and a curse. While you know the lay of the land, the ultimate act of intimacy is both a mind-blowing -- provided you do it right -- and risky endeavor, an unbelievable thrill ride with potentially crippling consequences. But when it's over and both parties are completely satisfied, the Player dons a classic pin that says, "Spare me the drama."

Now, if you wish to avoid the soap opera angle and you've got the wine and silk sheets at your place, pay close attention. Rather than diving in and simply assuming you've got everything figured out, I suggest you take the following tips to heart. They're simple and straightforward, and like the previous set of rules for sleeping at her place, when sleeping at your place, these tips will help you maintain that casual relationship. And remember, above all else, that the Player never disrespects women, so at no point can this involve hurtful or insulting maneuvers. There may be a wee bit of deception involved, but if you don't think there's some of that in every relationship, you're too naive to live anyway.

Avoid romantic preparation

Men will often prepare accordingly for a night of romance; they'll break out the wine, silk sheets, candles, rose petals, and a variety of fragrances. Everything will be clean -- including a hands-and-knees scrubbing of the bathtub -- and the entire place will be a female paradise, all designed for the express purpose of giving her a very special night. However, this is a long-term boyfriend tactic, not a Player strategy. Romance and lust are two very different things, so in order to avoid sending the wrong signals when sleeping at your place, pass on the typically sensitive preparation. This isn't a license to bring her back to a pigsty (you should always clean when company comes calling) but while a filthy apartment gives a bad impression, candles and rose petals all indicate intimacy. This isn't the approach you wish to take, especially if it's the first time she's spending the night. Furthermore, if you simply keep the place presentable without being even remotely assuming, you'll maintain that crucial neutrality.

You don't want to take things too far because you're risking a disinterested and apathetic attitude. Walk the fine line between distant and amorous; don't turn your pad into a place that seems conducive to a proposal, but make sure you keep her attention. Charm and social graces don't take a backseat in this scenario, chief.

Keep her car at your place

This may appear to be an innocuous and even flat-out bizarre tip, but you have to utilize your powers of deduction here. First and foremost, having her own transportation tends to make her feel more comfortable; she always has an escape option. This is especially helpful if she's "sleeping over" for the first time.

Secondly, in giving her the opportunity to come and go as she pleases, you're eliminating the possibility of an inevitably long and meaningful evening. If she has no way to leave -- even if she has no intention of leaving -- the implication is painfully obvious: you're planning to have her for the whole night, and that carries more implications. It just doesn't appear to be a casual move, and the whole point of the casual relationship centers on "keeping options open." Lastly, if you actually come right out and make the suggestion ("Hey, why don't you just follow me back to my place?"), it could mean you actually expect her to leave first thing in the morning. This isn't a complex thing, and isn't necessarily a make-or-break deal. It could be as simple as having her drive for the evening, and then suggesting a late-night rendezvous at your place. See? Easy.

Trust me, all this makes more sense than you may initially believe. It's a smart move if she's sleeping at your place.

Be unpredictable

There's something so very predictable about taking a chick back and sleeping at your place, and what it could mean for the future is even more predictable. Hence, it's best if you shake things up from the start; keep her on her toes and don't play into the expected or the obvious. Maybe the night should include a card game, a funny movie or an impromptu dessert-making session. Use both your immediate and general environment -- if it starts snowing at 2 a.m., get her outside to build a snowman, or if the power goes out in your place, have some fun with flashlights and scary stories. All of this may sound somewhat juvenile, but not only do most women respond very well to this kind of erratic, "big kid" personality, it also never shifts to full-on romance. The evening can be all about fun and passion, and all you have to do is remain completely unpredictable from the moment you return. She won't know what to expect, which means she won't make the snap assumption that you're looking for anything long-term.

If you just sit back and let the evening play out on its own, you may fall into the standard scenario, and the passionate "oops, I let an 'I love you' slip" moment is lurking in the shadows. Once that happens, nothing can save you.

Enhance excuses

When sleeping at her place, I suggested you come fully prepared with an "excuse rolodex" just in case one of two things happened: the night wasn't quite so great and you had to hit the ejector seat early, or things went a little a too well and the situation was spiraling out of control with hints of commitment everywhere. Well, when you're sleeping at your place, you can really enhance any excuse you might have to use.

When hitting up girls in the clubs and bars, it's often advisable to have a wingman, correct? Given this fact, if the night isn't progressing quite as planned and you find yourself getting painted into a corner, keep a remote wingman within striking distance. For example, if you're looking for a way out in the morning, text him a quick message to call you early with a feigned need. The options are limitless, and provided your pals are reliable, you won't have to go it alone when spending the night at your place. This doesn't necessarily mean you're trying to get away from her, either; it simply means you want to keep things casual, which isn't inherently insulting.

And before all the women start shrieking about respect and adolescent behavior, I would remind you that this tactic is hardly limited to gender. The females have had this idea for quite a while, and I dare say they were the group that originally patented the theory.

Maintain control at all costs

I'm not suggesting you take "control" to an offensive or overly dominating dimension, but I am suggesting that you dictate the flow of the encounter once you're sleeping at your place. At no point prior to this is such a style required (you can let her grab the reigns during dinner conversation, if you wish), but when it comes to behavior in your place, you've got to keep a strict regiment. The Player can't afford to let anything slip, and when at home, you should be able to maintain firm control of the proceedings. Before, when sleeping at her place, you were at the mercy of her intentions and preparations, which meant you had to roll with the punches and adapt on the fly. When she's sleeping at your place, all you have to do is take her hand from the get-go and lead on. If you sense she's crossing over from passionate rubbing to loving caresses (there's a difference, guys), then redouble your aggression for lust's sake. If you don't get the distinction by now, your attempt at Player status is hopeless.