The secret fears of men

by Brie Gatchalian

Dying alone, ending up with the wrong person, not feeling fulfilled … things I’m deathly afraid of. Many women can relate, I’m sure.

When it comes to men, one would presume their biggest fears have to do with providing for a family, the Yankees (or their favorite team) losing the World Series, and never having a boy to carry the family name. I wondered how true these assumptions are so I asked some guy friends to reveal their secret fears when it comes to relationships. What I found: They’re not so different from ours.

On their list of secret fears: Letting one get away, being nice, and keeping the spark alive.

What If I’m a Jerk?

Purnell Cropper, a single 25-year-old male from Philadelphia, PA, is afraid he’ll come to realize he’s a jerk. “I maintain a certain image of myself in my mind – generous, caring, etc. – but when everything is said and done, you are how you treat people,” he explains. Purnell fears proving this image false one day. “I can think of a couple of ex-girlfriends who would say that I’ve already accomplished this feat and am just living in denial,” he believes.

Was She My True Love?

As you can see, Purnell is the “sensitive” type. And with that comes his hopeless romanticism. And FYI, he’s ruthlessly defending the sanctity of his first love. “I’m afraid that somewhere in my heart I think that my relationship was the purest, and that everything else will inevitably be a failed attempt to recapture those old feelings,” he realizes. In fact on some level, Purnell sabotages good relationships before they even have a chance to develop.

What If Things Change?

On the other hand, Eugene Oh, a 27-year-old male in a committed relationship (far from sabotaging a good thing) is afraid to lose his current love. “I can grow very attached to a person over time, as anyone else does,” he explains. “What if that person leaves me or what if they cease to become a part of my life anymore?” For Eugene, life’s constant changes leave him in fear. “Your life can change in the blink of an eye,” he points out. “If you’re in a relationship, you get used to having that person around on a daily basis and in the long-term view.” Should things falter, then what?

How Do I Keep the Spark Alive?

In trying to avoid change, Eugene realizes yet another fear: Keeping the spark in his progressing relationship alive. “Whenever I date someone for the first time, sparks are flying and everything seems so exciting,” he says. “But once you hit a certain period of time when dating someone, it seems so easy for things to become boring.”

From keeping the flames burning to settling down with the right person, it’s clear that my concerns in my relationship are similar to that of my guy friends. News to me, yes. Is it news to you?