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Aug 1, 2008

Nine Things to Know About Male Sexuality

by By Cory Silverberg

There's a myth that male sexuality is simple. The reality is that (in public at least) men talk and write less about sexuality than anyone, and the result is that there is a great deal of ignorance about male sexuality. Here is a crash course on key aspects of male sexuality that everyone should know about.

Penis size isn’t a simple measurement.

Most men worry about the size of their penis at some point their lives. Sadly, they usually do this with little understanding of what the average penis size is. While some women report that penis size does matter, most people agree that penis size isn’t nearly as important as things like overall sexual interest, sexual technique, and sexual compatibility. All things that have much more to do with the organ between ones ears than the one between ones legs.

Men don’t always want to have sex.

The stereotype of male sexuality is that men always want sex. This stereotype is so ingrained in men that many act it out, engaging in sex when they don’t really feel like it just because it is expected of them. The fact is that there are many times when men don’t feel like having sex, and this doesn’t always indicate a “problem”. Low libido may be caused by physical or psychological factors, but it can also be a reasonable reaction to life’s stressors.

Men can have multiple orgasms.

Because most men learn to stimulate themselves to orgasm with ease, they tend to think they’ve learned it all by the time their 19. In reality, most men only experience a small percentage of their orgasmic potential. One example are male multiple orgasms. Just like many (but not all) women, many men can learn to become multi-orgasmic. Learn more about male multiple orgasms.

Men can control ejaculation (most of the time).

While most men experience problems with ejaculation at some point in their lives, many don’t know that the timing of ejaculation can be controlled, most of the time, with relatively simple exercises. There are many myths about premature ejaculation and these can be difficult to overcome. But getting a better understanding of male sexual response, and learning to control ejaculation, can also lead to a greater experience of sexual pleasure.

Men can (and do) use sex toys.

There is a myth that sex toys (vibrators in particular) are for women, and that they are like a stand-in for men. The fact is that sex toys don’t replace people, they do things none of us can, and the pleasure they facilitate can be for men as much as women. Sex toys can provide incredibly intense stimulation, unlike anything a man has experienced, and using sex toys with a partner can open up all sorts of new possibilities. Learn more about sex toys.

Men do have a “special button”

While not all men like having it pressed, it’s true that the prostate gland can be a source of intense sexual pleasure for men. Often referred to as the “male g spot” or the “p-spot” (a term that seems seriously unsexy to me), prostate stimulation, done either externally by massaging the perineum, or internally through penetration, can open up a new world to men who believe there’s only one way for them to experience sexual pleasure.

Anal pleasure is for all men.

Many heterosexual men still think that if they like or want anal play it “means they are gay.” This is a false idea based on homophobic beliefs. Anal play won’t make you gay but it may make you very excited. In addition to prostate stimulation, many heterosexual couples are exploring the physical and psychological pleasure of reversing traditional sexual and gender roles. However they do it, once they discover the pleasure of anal play most men never look back. Learn more about anal play.

Masturbation is good for men.

Parents often give boys mixed messages about masturbation. They may say “it’s dirty” bit they also say “boys will be boys”. As a result almost all men masturbate throughout their lives, but often do so with feelings of ambivalence. And they rarely talk about their masturbation. Many of the secrets to a man’s desires can be found in the way he masturbates, and men who are good at pleasuring themselves can teach their partners what turns them on while exploring new ways to masturbate.

Male sexuality isn’t simple

This is the single most harmful myth about male sexuality. Because men’s genitalia are external, because they can usually get themselves off easily, because in the west we’re told that men have it “better” than women (as if there were only two genders on the planet) it is assumed that there is nothing new to know about male sexuality. As a result, one could argue that men are among the least sexually evolved and have to work extra hard to discover their own sexual potential. But it’s there!

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