What Guys Want
What do men want? Many of the same things women do: freedom, intimacy, good friends and comfortable shoes... But men have particular needs and desires too. Crack the code.

10 Traits Men Look for in a Girlfriend

by Francesca Di Meglio
To find out exactly what men are looking for in a good girlfriend. Impossible? Not exactly. We simply turned to Lisa Daily, syndicated relationship columnist and author of Stop Getting Dumped, who promises to help readers find and marry "the one" in three years or less. Daily followed her own advice and married her dream man, who proposed at the top of the Eiffel Tower after a six-month courtship. Now, she is determined to help other single gals do the same. A dating guru, Daily interviewed — and continues to do so — hundreds of bachelors to find out what makes a woman marriage material in this day and age. Here, Daily dishes about the 10 traits every man is looking for in a serious girlfriend:
1. She has a life of her own — and it's pretty good to boot. Ladies, this means that you take care of yourself, pay attention to your personal style and find time to hang with your fabulous friends and family. You seek adventure by traveling. And you take in life's pleasures — from indulging in dessert to walking through the park on a sunny day. "You don't expect your boyfriend to be your entire existence," says Daily. In other words, you're not waiting for some man to show up, so you can get your "real life" started.

2. She never makes the first move. This issue has been debated to death, and there is no true consensus. But Daily says that she strongly believes women should never, ever pursue a man. Instead, she suggests waiting for the man to initiate and plan dates. Her reasoning: If the woman is always the one calling, she will never know if he is really interested in her or if it's just convenient for him. She may find herself questioning the relationship every step of the way. Men simply aren't programmed to think like that and therefore are better suited to the chase, Daily says.
3. She is sexy without being trampy. This means something different at the beginning of the relationship than it does down the road, Daily says. In the beginning of courtship, a woman should refrain from making any comments that are overtly sexual. She also flirts by using nonsexual touch like placing her hand on his forearm or even the knee but only briefly. When the relationship gets more serious, and presumably more intimate, sexual touch and public displays of affection are more appropriate. At this point, it's okay to play footsie under the table.

4. She waits to have sex. Yes, the sexual revolution arrived long ago and few people expect a "pure white bride" nowadays. But sex is still a pretty big step for couples. Daily says that many women don't even realize just how much sex changes the dynamics of a relationship. When women have sex, they release a hormone called oxytocin (also referred to as "the cuddle hormone"), which some scientific researchers believe makes women feel extra warm and fuzzy for their sex partners. Daily warns that if women do the deed too soon, they might make too much of a relationship that barely ever existed outside of the bedroom. When you inflate the significance of a relationship, the man often bolts. Daily's advice is to wait at least one month into the relationship before having sex with your new man.

5. She does little things to show she cares. Daily has one friend who noticed that her traveling salesman boyfriend never had time to get his shirts washed, so he would just go out and buy new ones. Her friend started to drop off his laundry at the dry cleaners once a week. Daily herself cooks for her husband. "It's as if he doesn't even know where the kitchen is," she says. "But that's not to say that he starves when I'm out of town." No, you do not have to turn into June Cleaver. The bottom line is that you should want to do the little things that let him know you care and you are paying attention to his individual needs. And he should do the same for you. Daily boasts that her man scrapes the ice off her windshield on cold winter mornings!

6. She should be her boyfriend's best wingman — err, wing woman. Help him to look good in front of the boss, advises Daily. Laugh at his jokes and help him shine when it is important. Of course, again, he should do the same for you.

7. She never turns on the pressure. This one is important. Men have a distinct aversion to any sort of pressure, says Daily. Therefore, women should avoid calling and/or emailing him many times during the day or dropping hints about the future. In fact, keep the dreaded M-word (marriage) out of your vocabulary all together. "Men don't want to constantly take the pulse of a relationship," says Daily. "They would rather just enjoy it."

8. She does not take any crap — from anyone. A good woman never accepts bad behavior. Guys respect women with whom they can't get away with anything. If he knows there's a penalty — like getting thrown to the curb — for a serious violation like cheating, he'll respect you more, and he will be far less likely to do it. You should also never even bother to date married men, those who already have girlfriends or anyone who verbally or physically threatens or abuses you. Period.

9. A good woman always chooses a good man. That means that you should look for someone who is honest and dependable. He has to treat you right. If he says he is going to be somewhere, he is there. Chivalry is not dead, by the way. "Good manners are a deeper window into what kind of man he truly is," Daily says. You should also have compatible views on money (which is the number one thing couples fight about). Even though they say opposites attract, savers should think twice before shacking up with wild spenders.

10. She knows that love is the biggest part of the mating equation. Just how does a good woman know that she has found that crazy-for-you, toe-curling relationship? Daily says that some women have an "a-ha" moment, while love simply sneaks up on the rest. "I believe the feeling includes a unique sense of comfort and acceptance and the feeling that someone else's happiness is as important to you as your own," Daily says. "A certain amount of toe curling is key as well."

Why He Does That
Sometimes the male mind seems just slightly more accessible than the edge of the solar system. Women of the world, wonder no more: We've got answers to your questions about male behavior.

Guys' 10 Secret Dating Rules

For as long as there have been men and women, there have been dating and dating rituals. Being the sly hunters we are, men have built up a reservoir of knowledge and cunning over the millennia on how to successfully woo the ladies over the first few weeks of a courtship.

There are many fish in the sea, and there are many baiting procedures you can use to reel them in. And though many women may be aware of some of our strategies, they surely don't know of all of them. Let's keep it that way, gentlemen. Keep these timeless secret dating tips under your hat and enjoy the learning process.

Wait three days before calling back

The idea behind this dating rule of thumb is to make sure that your new squeeze doesn't think you're desperate to see her. And it's become a golden rule because it often works. Many women know the dating game, and want to see if their new man can play it. Prove that you can by keeping it cool, and resisting the urge to follow up on a meeting too promptly. Just make sure not to wait longer than a few days to call back, or she may cool off entirely.

Take her where everyone knows your name

Another way to impress your new woman early in the game is to go somewhere where you already have a great reputation. By taking her to one of your usual haunts, you'll get to showcase your smooth self in action among your vast circle of acquaintances. Whether it's a simple greeting from a DJ at the club or a restaurant manager who hooks you up with the best table, a display of social clout will definitely make an impact on your date. It's a surefire way to let her know that she's caught herself a real man.

Resist sleeping with her early on

Aside from the fact that withholding yourself will keep her wanting you more, adhering to this rule also shows her that you're a man who isn't ruled by his loins. Don't hold back entirely, though; kiss her passionately as if you were going to have sex, then pull away. Doing so will heighten the sexual tension and will be a huge turn-on for her. And when you finally do decide to do the deed, your patience and self-control will end up paying huge dividends in the bedroom.

Limit your spending

One of the best ways to know if she's a keeper is to find out how much money she expects you to spend on her. On early dates, take her to places where you don't have to spend much, such as a coffee shop, lounge or boardwalk. This will give you a chance to figure out whether she's all about you... or your wallet. Mind you, don't cheap out completely, or she'll just think you're a bum.

Screen her first few calls

While the 10th rule prevents you from appearing too needy, this one allows you to gauge whether she's desperate. You want to make sure that you're not getting involved with someone with stalker tendencies. Return her calls one or two days later, so that you keep control of the situation ‑- but no later than this, or you risk turning her off completely and losing your honey to another bee.

Don't offer her gifts early on

Very rarely are you going to recognize a woman as the love of your life within the first few months of dating her. At this point you're still getting to know her, and she most likely hasn't revealed any of those true quirks or characteristics that could put a quick end to your dating. So don't get all goofy and start showering her with expensive gifts.

Be mysterious... but not weird

Remember not to volunteer any information about past relationships, your family or your job right away. Your woman will keep you guessing about her, so you need to do the same in return. Maintaining some intrigue keeps the spice in dating. Let her tease information out of you slowly. Make her think that she's "winning" this game, even as you control the flow of information. Just make sure you don't get too creepy about it, or you could end up scaring her off.

Don't flatter her too much

While it's true that you will have to do some flattering in your initial flirtations, keep it toned down. The worst thing you can do is lay on the compliments too thick at the beginning. Rather than inflating her head, see if she can enjoy your company and conversation without an accompanying ego massage.

Don't meet her friends ‑- yet

Finding the time to date a new girl is always a challenge, so don't make things more difficult for yourself by agreeing to meet her friends, as well. Besides exposing yourself to a modern-day inquisition, you risk also giving her the impression that she can invite one or more of her friends to come out with the two of you. Even worse, she may want to double-date with her friends and their boyfriends. It's just a bad situation, and you don't want anything to do with it. So keep her friends out of the picture until you feel confident that the relationship is actually heading somewhere.

It's a two-way street, and it's always best to keep your new woman away from your good buddies at the start, too. She may not be prepared for their sense of humor, or they may reveal things about you that you'd rather keep her in the dark about. And make no mistake, she will try and get the scoop on you from your friends if she meets them. Don't let it happen.

Dating Rules to Memorize

Now that you know all the secret dating rules, get out there and catch some women using your newfound knowledge. Just remember to keep this stuff between the brothers. (iVillage editor's note: Whoops! Sorry, boys.)

UNDERSTANDING MEN

What He's Thinking Wonder what he's thinking? "Football. Sex. Food. Sex. Politics. Work. That weird smell in the car. World peace. Sex. Am I good looking? Work. Sex." Are we so different after all?

Men Confess the 10 Annoying Things Women Do

Men love women. The way they look, smell, walk and talk are just some of the reasons why we consider them a divine species. Yet we can't live with them, and we certainly can't live without them...

...for the most part anyway, because perfect, they are not. And upon serious analysis, I've discovered the top 10 things women do that drive men to the brink of insanity.

Pretend to be virtuous

A recurring theme among many women is that they try to place themselves under a "holier than thou" light, never admitting that they fooled around or dividing their number of boyfriends by five. Now, we applaud those ladies who truly are innocent and pure, but the rest should stop trying to water down their past. Women are allowed to have just as much fun as guys, and they should find a man who can appreciate that.

Criticize other womenWhy is it that many women can't make a simple compliment toward another woman? They love to nitpick about everything from weight to hairstyle and everything in between. Only a woman will notice if another woman's shoes don't match her purse and turn it into a calamity.Granted there are some women who are readily willing to admit when another woman is hot (and hopefully invite her over for a ménage à trois), but most don't want to distract their men with any competition. Nevertheless, we spot the hot ones anyway.

Act jealous

Oftentimes, just mentioning another woman's name can spell the end of your existence. Imagine, then, the warfare you'll have to endure if she finds out you were at a gentleman's club.

Call it what you will, but a lot of women have this thing that causes them to second-guess everything, especially their man's loyalty. That's why when another female enters the equation in any way, shape or form, she tenses up. If you've given her reason to doubt you, then her paranoia is likely justified. Otherwise, you shouldn't have to pay the price because she's feeling insecure.

Become needy

Some women have some serious security issues. They need their men to hold them, rub them and tell them how special they are. They turn men into their emotional crutch and look to us for moral, mental and emotional supportThere's a real irony here when you think of all the women who go out of their way to show us how independent they are. These are usually the same women who become extremely insecure once they finally fall in love. Of course, as tempting as it may be to use this to our advantage, I think most men would prefer the tougher version. This way, they'd at least retain some peace of mind.

Speak in code

The old "What are you thinking?" question is a timeless example of how women love to test their men and search for our true feelings about them. They hurtle obscure, theoretical questions at us that, according to them, we're supposed to know the answers to if we're really their soul mates.

What a pitiful sight it is, seeing a guy tense up as his mind goes into overdrive, looking for the right answer, while his lady looks on from a distance with her arms folded and foot tapping. At this point, there's nothing left to do except throw an answer out there and hope we don't end up in the doghouse.

Invade our personal space

Women have this instinctive tic that makes them want to groom us anytime they want and make our personal belongings theirs.

In other words, when they're not adjusting our tie for the umpteenth time, they're rummaging through our drawers, looking for a sweatshirt to change into. Am I the only one who sees a problem here? We all know that there would be hell to pay if we so much as thought about giving them a haircut or sorting through their stuff, so why is it that our turf is fair game?

Become too emotional

They cry over anything: a sad movie (or even a happy one), a broken nail or a haircut gone awry. What's worse, they expect us to clean up the emotional mess. And if there's one thing we suck at, it's dealing with a crying woman on our shoulder.

It's not that we're insensitive, but aside from saying, "There there, sweetie," we don't know the first thing about comforting a woman. The fact that women are usually more delicate and vulnerable is great; we just don't want the steady stream of tears for every minor setback.

Shop till they drop

When it comes to shopping, there just aren't enough hours in the day for most women. Whether it's browsing, window-shopping or an all-out spending spree, they can spend hours on end in a shoe store, among others, without even thinking about food, water or any of their responsibilities.

But what's worse is that they have to take us along for the ride. So there we go, from store to store, wandering aimlessly back and forth while they inspect every article of clothing by its respective price tag.

Talk incessantly

Chris Rock nailed it when he said that asking how her day went renders a 45-minute conversation. Most women love to talk, and if you give them the ammo, they won't stop. It's not that we don't care about what they have to say; it's just that we don't need to hear every minute detail.

Use sex as a weapon

In the war of the sexes, it's all about who wears the pants in the relationship. Oftentimes most women, in an effort to show their superiority, will attack men's universal weak spot: sex.

And while I applaud them for this gutsy tactic, they really should leave the basic human needs alone, don't you think?

Learn to Tolerate

In the grand scheme of things, women's annoying habits aren't that bad. Chances are you'll adapt to them in time, as will she when it comes to your annoying tendencies. Nobody's perfect, and I think that's something we can all agree on.

10 Things Good Girls Can Learn from Porn Stars

1. Show a Little Enthusiasm, Baby!

Good Girl Approach: Many of us have been taught that sex is not a high priority, so when your guy wants to do the horizontal tango, you make excuses or treat it like another chore on your to-do list.

Porn Babe Secret: They enjoy what feels good without reservation — and they show their partners how excited they are by engaging them with their speech and movements. They understand that diving into the sack with someone who isn't into it is like sharing a "romantic" meal with someone who's watching television.

Tantalizing Tip: Take the initiative! Wake him up with a below-the-belt kiss. Send him a naughty text message midway through the day. In bed, get into the moment by looking into his eyes and telling him how eager you are to be with him

2. Speak Up!

Good Girl Approach: Your sack sessions hardly leave you invigorated, but you're scared that any attempt to spice things up will make you seem like a tramp.

Porn Babe Secret: Toss the dated worries — liking sex doesn't make you a hussy; it makes you human. Tell him how much you enjoy it when he kisses that special spot, or mention something you're craving in the heat of the moment! Just asking for something new can be a huge turn-on for both partners.

Tantalizing Tip: Pop open a bottle of wine and initiate a little game of truth-or-dare. Or surprise him with a spicy flick and point out the scenes you'd be open to trying. There's a good chance he'd like to experiment, too, but is keeping it to himself because he doesn't want to offend you.

3. Love Those Thighs!

Good Girl Approach: You hate your hips, your backside is less than baby-smooth, blah, blah, blah.

Porn Babe Secret: They know that men love sex — he's absolutely thrilled when your thighs are wrapped around him, dimples and all. He would never forgo what feels good to accommodate something as silly as a body insecurity or two.

Tantalizing Tip: Illuminate the bedroom, living room or even kitchen with candles, which give a soft glow that glides over perceived imperfections. Give him the visualization he craves and get off (pun intended) on the fact that you are the reason for every moan and squirm your man makes!

4. Know Thyself!

Good Girl Approach: You find masturbation embarrassing or shameful, so you rarely try it (and never admit to it when you do).

Porn Babe Secret: Make like a seasoned porn babe and figure out what works for you by caressing your thighs, breasts and everything in between. Not knowing what feels good is like taking a cross-country road trip without a map!

Tantalizing Tip: If you're like many gals and the manual approach leaves you feeling less than thrilled, simply find something else to tickle your fancy. After a few solo sessions, bring your man into the action for a steamy one-on-one lesson.

5. Get a New Bedtime Script!

Good Girl Approach: Your pillow talk doesn't get much racier than a few "oh, baby's" tossed in with a few "you feel so good's."

Porn Babe Secret: Men are competitive by nature, and they love to know they are the best at whatever it is they're doing, including you. Porn babes know that just hearing a female verbally tap into the action is enough to make him explode.

Tantalizing Tip: Get comfy with the saucy talk by writing down some sexy thoughts and reading them out loud alone a few times. In bed, start small by giving him a play-by-play of the action, telling him what he's doing to you or asking questions such as, "Do you like it when I [insert verb here] you?"

6. Get a Little Uncomfortable!

Good Girl Approach: Your weekend look of sweats and ponytails has become as fun as your weekly date with the treadmill. Sound exciting? Yeah, we didn't think so.

Porn Babe Secret: Men are visual creatures (that's why porn babes are in business!). These gals work this to their advantage and don sexy lingerie and even (gulp!) keep their heels on during the deed, all to enhance the experience.

Tantalizing Tip: Slip on a thong underneath your yoga pants, or meet him at home in nothing but heels and a great hairdo. Surprising him with something new will show him that he's worth the effort, which will spark his heart as well as his, um, interest.

7. Come On, Gals, Fantasize!

Good Girl Approach: You'd never admit to daydreaming about being intimate with two men or kissing another woman, even if you do — and the thought of your man having a sex dream about Heidi Klum in bed is enough to bring you to tears.

Porn Babe Secret: They do things most of us wouldn't, but the lesson is in their approach, not in their actions. They don't judge the desires of their partners or take offense at what turns them on. Just because your guy fantasizes about a threesome doesn't mean he doesn't love you or even that he would want to participate in one in real life. As long as the boundaries of your relationship are maintained, fantasizing is healthy aspect of sexuality.

Tantalizing Tip: Try verbal exploration! Talk him through a threesome or ask him to pretend he's a stranger. Sharing these kinds of experiences will not only spark amazing sex, but they will also build trust and intimacy, which is always sexy. Discuss boundaries beforehand (some couples have a code word to signal the other to stop when acting out scenarios), and remember, comfort is key, so don't participate in anything that makes you uncomfortable.

8. Get Creative with the Merchandise!

Good Girl Approach: You have an idea of what works for your guy, which is why you do it again and again and…

Porn Babe Secret: They know their partner has dozens of hot buttons — from his toes to the back of his neck — and that half the fun is finding out what works and what doesn't.

Tantalizing Tip: Gently pinch or bite his nipples or kiss his chest and stroke his stomach gently with your nails. When you go below-the-belt, pay attention to all parts of the package by gently tracing his scrotum with your tongue or pressing on his perineum (the area between his penis and his anus).

9. Be a Little Selfish!

Good Girl Approach: You're tired and overworked, and you haven't been to the gym in ages. You'd love to get your hair done and take that Spinning class, but you promised you'd run errands for your sister (again).

Porn Babe Secret: While good girls are taught to deprive themselves, porn babes make self-maintenance a high priority.

Tantalizing Tip: Whether it's a manicure, a blowout or just slathering on a luxurious cream before bed, do something that makes you feel and look good more than once a month. Feeling like you're worth the splurge will not only boost your confidence, it will make you glow — and that's hotter than any bustier on the market.

10. Stop Doing Favors!

Good Girl Approach: You perform oral sex as a "gift" for whatever special day, or tell him that if he's good, you'll let him try a new position.

Porn Babe Secret: Sexual desire is not a male-specific attribute, nor is it something that should be rationed. In fact, it's practically as essential to a full life as food, water and shelter. Porn babes do things they know their partner will enjoy, while asking for what they want in return.

Tantalizing Tip: No one wants to feel like they are being manipulated or treated like a charity case, so keep the bureaucracy out of the bedroom. Find out what your partner likes, and as long as you are comfortable with it, give it to him generously. The only "requirement" you should have is that he reciprocate on the same level. His taking out the trash isn't a reason to give him a blow job — your turning him on is.

.

Scorpio

Scorpio only clicks with someone who has the precise combo of charm, patience and power to unlock his abandon. If you've got what it takes, this once distant creature will open up petal by petal right in front of you. He'll start by sharing the skeletons in his closet. Then, he'll follow it with a flood of intense, passionate devotion that leaves you with a feeling of fated happiness. He doesn't readily share his emotions, so when he does, he means it. In the sack, he'll give you sex that'll make your ass sweaty in the middle of winter on top of an ice block in Antarctica. He won't settle for anything less than a cosmic connection and complete possession. He'll want to give you the world and will do anything for you. Hell, he might even apologize when he knows he's wrong. Of course, he'll always have his private issues and an irrational belief that he can command the last word on everything. Yet despite his bad behavior, Scorpio will let you know how much you're needed/wanted. As his number one, you better take that duty seriously — he hates to be proven wrong. In a crisis, you'll be the first he'll call — and you'd better have some answers and comfort. Plus, to indulge his suspicious mind, he'll give you crisis drills to assure himself of your capabilities and his judgment. That's right: Even in love, manipulation will still seep into the picture. There's a fine line between good and evil for Scorpio, and he often won't know how to stop himself from stepping over it. That's what makes his the most hated/misunderstood sign of the zodiac. The final frontier in conquering Mount Scorpio is when he introduces you to everyone he knows. Once you're no longer Scorpio's secret, know you're loved.

Leo

Being single isn't Leo's style. After all, how can he gauge his fabulousness without someone worshipping him? Or distinguish himself as a leader unless there's at least one person seeking his approval? Sure, it's a tad egotistical, but this is Leo. If you can accept and embrace that fact, then you've got the bait he's hungry for. Not to say this is a thankless job, as the perks are top shelf. Lucky are you if you're the object of Leo's affections. As the ruler of romance, he spares no expense to seal the deal, and there's no denying Leo's emotions. He's over the top by nature, knowing no limits in showering you with love, gifts and insanely delicious adulation. He'll do anything to spoil you silly. He'll have you believing the love you share spins the world round, as romance is his inspiration and helps bring out his selfless and invincible side. As his muse, he'll be unrelenting in showing you his gratitude. If you want to mark the level at which he loves you, just check the receipts. Leo puts his money where his heart is. When he's in love, he's consumed by it and wants to share it with everyone. He'll brag about you, show you off all over town and want to spend every minute with you or dreaming of you. Expect only his best behavior: an absolute gentleman ensuring you the red-carpet treatment everywhere you go. In fact, he'll be a tyrant about others respecting you. As the original Mr. Chivalry/Captain of the Universe, the place Leo will be most ardent about his affections for you will be with his circle. He'll rank you second in his chain of command, and his cronies will have to bow down to you. If there's disobedience, the penalty is discharge. He likes to keep a right ship, and if someone falls out of line, he has no problem making him or her walk the plank.

Gemini

Gemini loves love and it's giddy obsession that drives him right into fairy tale mode — in which he loves to get lost and live out his Peter Pan fantasies. He works non-stop, too, to perpetuate this dreamy world, making you feel like the most precious creature to ever grace his world by wooing you with witty surprises, sweet words, and endless comic relief. With such magic in the air when you two connect, it'd be impossible to think he's not as head-over-heels as you are. After all, who could resist the boundless fun, side-splitting laugh-a-minute moments and conversations that last past sunrise? It would seem surreal to think you're not a match made in heaven. So, silly you, you mention the future or something vague that acknowledges your bond... Little does anyone know what brews in this man's mind, least of all a Gemini. Welcome to the dark side of Gemini. This guy can flip at the drop of a hat. His mind has an automatic timer that goes off when any remote hint of responsibility comes into play. Then, out goes his Dr. Jekyll and in comes his Mr. Hyde to scrutinize and freak out. Gemini loves having millions of possibilities, so when faced with any crossroads of change, he'll schiz. It won't matter how chill you are or how happy your relationship is, he'll see it as a possible doom of his freedom and identity. With so many voices in his head, he'll wonder if he can handle another one -- that being yours. He'll shut down to search for an epiphany. If he's MIA 24 hours or less, it's normal. If not, it's a red flag. Upon resurfacing, though, he'll give you the key that opens him to you. It can explain why he worked so hard in the beginning, hoping to compensate for the jackass he knew would spring out of him eventually.